Orientation

To all new and returning students, welcome to the first semster of the school year at SquareHead University’s School of Jensen and Jared! We’ve got a lot of exciting new courses to offer this year, and plenty of extracurricular activites coming soon! Feel free to take a tour of the campus at your earliest convenience, as classes will start promptly at their scheduled times….. Ah, who the fuck am I kidding…. show up when you want. We’ll be here. *thumbs up*

For your own personal use, you will all receive a copy of this year’s Student Handbook (pictured below). Pick up your copy today at the School Store.

As you can see, our school mascot is the Sasquatch, also commonly known as Bigfoot. Now for those of you who have never seen a sasquatch up-close and personal, we have shown an example below of a sasquatch doing sasquatch-y things in its natural habitat.

Do not fear these big, friendly giants, as they do not eat people and happen to be great communicators. They’re also multilingual, speaking many languages ranging from English to Dutch to Japanese. Not to mention, they make awesome linebackers. We’re goin’ to STATE this year, baby!!!! MotherFUCK Duke!!! *ahem* Sorry about that, I apologize…

Now! If you’ll turn to page 2 of your handbooks, you’ll see that we have a school Pledge. Every morning before your first class, you are to face the flagpole, located in the Quad, and say the pledge. Actually….let’s all say it now, together, so we can make sure we’ve got it down. Ok, everyone please stand…. put your right hand down your pants….. aaaand repeat after me.

I pledge allegiance to the ass of Jensen Ross Ackles,

And to the equation for which it lends,

One curved, perfect line,

Indescribable, with proper fuckablity and J2 lust for all.

~

Ok….school policy, blah blah blah, rules and regs…blah blah blah, dress code…..meh…..whatever. Read it later….or never.

Just some other notes, quickly…if you turn to page 27, you’ll find our school song, as well as our fight song. Be sure to memorize the fight song ASAP, as we will be singing it at our homecoming pep-rally next week, led by none other than Jensen Ackles and his herem of floozies…..I mean…. the junior cheerleading team….squad….whatever:

Jensen’s ready. Are You??

School Song

Fight Song

Well, in conclusion, I think “your mom” just about sums it up! Get to class, sasquatches. And don’t forget to take NOTES! We do give pop quizzes up in this piece. OH! And don’t forget to sign up to get your pictures taken next week for student ID’s and for the Yearbook. DO IT NOW!!! You know you want to…

*bell rings*