McMarried…

Girlfriend, Schmirlfriend…

Try WIFE

Bling, bling, bitches!!!

That’s right! The charade is up… looks like these two lovebirds have finally decided to stop fuckin’ around and get down to business… and all we have to say is: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!eleventy-one11!!!1!

Well, it’s about damn time, dontcha think? Sandywhack, FTW!!! While the rumors currently circulating round the mill are that they’re engaged, MT and I have decided that they’re already fucking married. And what we say around here is law. So there. They’re married. Oh, and we’ve also decided that Sandy’s knocked up with twins…girls, of course…and that they CLEARLY must’ve had a shotgun wedding over Jared’s SPN hiatus. In fact, we KNOW they did. Cuz we were there. Check it…

The wedding took place on the beach in Malibu, as Sandy was told that this dress was not fit for church:

Apparently, neither were the assless chaps that Jared was sporting. And yes, the TEXAS belt was in full effect that day. Anyhoo, the bridesmaids all wore red.

Cuz it’s the color of love… or whatever. And the groomsmen all wore…well, nothing. What? It was hot out… Anyhoo, the ceremony was lovely. Jensen and the Jeffster shared the honor of best man. And Elta was on “train bitch” duty. Hahaha. Poor thing, had to follow Sandy around all day…carrying that heavy thing. So, Sandy and Sasquatch said their “I do’s.” Then they went ahead and consummated the marriage right there on the beach. Cuz hey, why the fuck not. Pfft. When in Rome…

The reception was my personal favorite highlight of the day! Surf and turf, y’all! The Jeffster swam out to see, and wrestled a shark. After he punched it in the face, and killed it, he brought it back to shore, and we all had Mahi Mahi. *sigh* Good times.

Next the bride and groom had their first dance on the beach, to “their song.” Although, I must say, the featured quartet kinda stole the show. That, and they kept wandering off the beach. Pssh…

Then of course, there was the throwing of the bouquet. Elta was sure she had it, but she slipped on Sandy’s train, and fell and broke her nose. *shaking head* Awful. Poor thing. Just wasn’t her day, I suppose. So MT just walked up behind her, and picked the bouquet up off the ground. Now, that’s what I call a winning move. Naturally, Jensen caught the garter. So, MT took her place on the chair, as Jensen knelt down in front of her. He got as far as her knee before she orgasmed and passed out. Pfft. So, he took her inside to lay her down, till she got her sea legs back. Come to think of it, no one’s seen or heard from either one of them since…Hm. Methinks she may have been fakin’…the passing out, not the orgasm.

So, that’s it! That was the big day! Ah, ’twas the most beautiful wedding I’ve ever seen…in my head… *dreamy sigh*

Congratulations, Mr. & Mrs. Padalecki! We wish you a lifetime of love, happiness, and many many many many many many MANY many beautiful babies.

*full on makes out with you both*

Now, about those kids…

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In recent news, the newlyweds were spotted out at the world premier of the new movie Never Back Down, just this Tuesday. Have a look-see:

I…wanna lick his neck!

…and his dimples

…and those teeth

Well, if THAT’S not advertising…

*SQUEEEEEEEE*

*just popped an ovary*

*and there goes the other one…*

…and I’ve got no reserves.

Hee.

Did he grow??! Holy shit, he’s huge!!!

Ok, new game…take a shot everytime Sandy flashes her ring…

mmmm…lost my train of thought. fuck.

Awwwwwwwww! McMarriage certainly agrees with them, no?