Show&Tell: How NOT To Keep A Secret

September 21, 2008

Gather round, kiddies. It’s time for show and tell. S’been awhile, but today you’re in for a real treat. So here’s how it’s gonna go down. I’ma SHOW you an interview (which you’ve all undoubtedly seen by now) with Buddy TV on the set of SPN and everyone’s favorite Ambiguously Not!Gay Duo, and then TELL you what’s really being ~said~. That’s right, today’s lesson is all about reading between the lines. So let’s get to it:

SHOW-

TELL-

Q: “If I could ask Jensen any question in any interview…he’s never been straight with me…So, I’d ask him why do you cry so much and why do you say my name when you’re sleeping? Freaks me out.”

Translation: “If I could ask Jensen any question…he’s never been straight, btw…So, I’d ask him why do you cry when you come? And why don’t you scream my name during sex? That’s not normal.”

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A: “It’s embarrassing.”

Translation: “It’s embarrassing…and how come I never get to top?”

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Q: “Jared, I just wanna know why do you sweat so much? I just, I would really like to know what activites you DO that make you sweat SO much that  you have to put paper towels down the neck of your shirt to sop up your sweat.”

Translation: “Jared, I just wanna know why you sweat me so hard. I mean, I know I’m really awesome…especially in bed. Not to mention, I’m also really REALLY ridiculously good looking. Do I make you wet? Cuz you look mildly uncomfortable, right now.”

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A: “Why I sweat so much?…Umm, knowing that he’s always, his eyes are always on me, desperately wanting…you ever heard of that Better Than Ezra song? Desperately Wanting?…he… that crush on me, it makes me sort of awkward. He’s always crying, and so I always feel like I should help him out. And I get nervous! Y’know? Cuz I’m like, I wanna DO something for him, but I don’t wanna give him the wrong idea. And that just sorta crazy thought process in my head makes me sweat.”

Translation: “Why I sweat him so hard?…Umm, knowing that his mouth is always on me, desperately licking…you ever heard of that Lil’ Wayne song? Lollipop? Yeah, like that…he…that crush on me, it makes me sort of hard. And he gives the best orgasms, so I kinda feel like I should return the favor. And I get nervous! Y’know? Cuz I’m like, I want to make him happy, but I don’t bottom. And that just sorta crazy thought of Jensen topping me, makes me wet.”

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Q: “If you could make a Supernatural drinking game, what would the rules be?

Translation: “What’s the craziest thing you two have ever done while drunk?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A: “I think there’s some out there, actually. I think someone told me once that there was a drinking game, and like, what was it…it was like every time Dean said ‘bitch’ or something, it was like you had to drink a beer or something, I dunno. Whatever it is. But, uh, if I had to do it, I would say everytime Jared says ‘Dean’…he’s constantly saying ‘Dean, srsly’…’Dean! Come on, Dean.’ He’s constantly saying ‘Dean.’  I guess I really haven’t busted him about that, but I should now.”

Translation: “Whenever Jared and I get drunk, we role play, and he loves nothing more than to scream my name while he’s got his fingers in my hair. ‘Dean! Srsly! I’m bout to come’… I get that one alot.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A: “Ok. If I could invent my own Supernatural drinking game, I would base it on the character of Dean, and every time Jensen makes model-face you’d have to take a drink. And so, everybody’d be drunk every episode. So…lotta fun.

Translation: “I’m obsessed with Jensen’s face. And really why wouldn’t I be? I mean, afterall, THIS is his permanent fucking look. Not to mention, the fact that he can impregnate women with his eyes? Ridiculous. I need a drink.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: “What’s the most helpful thing you’ve learned about your co-star?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A: “Jensen’s got a big ol’ crush on me. And so, I just sort of try and play off it.  And y’know, I’ve told him many times, ‘Nothin’s gonna happen. Y’know, I’m not like that.’ But he’s really into me. So I can just play off it.”

Translation: “Jensen’s got a big ol’ crush on me. And so, I just sort of fuck his brains out on the regular, just to appease him. Nothing serious. And y’know, I’ve told him many times, ‘I’m not lookin’ for a boyfriend. Just epic, mind-blowing, life-changing, earth-shattering, bed-breaking sex.’ But he’s really into my body. So I keep him happy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A: “The most helpful thing I’ve learned about Jared. Uhhh, hide the beans from him during lunch. Makes it a little bit more tolerable to work with him. There’s a laundry list…I’ll just give you my top one…and that’s my top one.”

Translation: “The most amazing thing I’ve learned about Jared…his shit don’t stink. Never before have I met someone who farts rainbows and sunshine and happiness. How do I love Jared? Let me count the fucking WAYS!”

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Q: “Jensen says you take forever to get ready in the morning.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A: “Oh, really! Oh, is that what he’s saying, is that I take a long time getting ready? Uh, that’s because in the morning, I wake up and I work out. And I, I uh, lift weights in my gym. Then I run, I’ll run my dogs or on my treadmill or something. And he basically rolls his little pretty ass outta bed, and gets in the shower and primps and he’s ready to go.  He’s in his mirror about 40 minutes before pick up time to make sure he looks good, while I’m pounding the pavement, tryna work out. ‘Take a long time to get ready.’ I’ma whup his ass.”

Translation: “Oh, really! Oh, is that what he’s saying, is that I take a long time getting ready? Uh, that’s because in the morning, I wake HIM up with my awesome reach around and then we both proceed to get a good workout. And I, I uh, really give it to him good. Srsly, he’s not satisfied till I’ve got him in tears. And after morning sex, he basically rolls his little pretty ass outta bed, and gets in the shower and daydreams about me for an hour, and then he’s ready to go.  He’s in his closet about 40 minutes before pick up time tryna make sure he picks out the most obscenely tight fitting jeans he can find to drive me crazy all day, while I’m standing here hard as a rock, tryna NOT to stare at his ass. ‘Take a long time to get ready.’ Pfft…he’s sooo gonna get it later.”

DISCLAIMER: NOT GAY. JUST IN LOVE. EPIC ROMANCE IS EPIC, Y’ALL. ALSO JARED TALKING ABOUT JENSEN’S “LITTLE PRETTY ASS” WILL NEVER NOT BE AMUSING. EVER. I’MA BE NEEDING MOAR OF THESE MOMENTS FROM PADALECKI. HIS VERBAL DIARRHEA IS UNLIKE ANYTHING I’VE EVER SEEN. *HANDS JAY-RED SOME CANDY* TELL US MOAR ABOUT JENSEN’S ASS, BB!

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28 Responses to “Show&Tell: How NOT To Keep A Secret”

  1. Laura Says:

    His verbal Diarrhea is just epic, i mean really there is just no filter in that mans brain! *Andilovetheresults* Between this, the season3 gay..gag reel, the name change, the living together slip up…Jesus just come OUT already.

    *It weirds me out that he sweats so much, he clearly has gland issues…go to the doctor hunnie, that shit aint normal*

  2. Patty Says:

    The thought that they run around the house nekkid all the time drive my mind crazy! Hot nekkid boys watching each other is hot!

  3. PurePoiisonn Says:

    Uhmmm, how come we keep revisiting this topic?

    Clearly, Jared summed up the situation. Jensen has a big ‘ole crush on him, and Jared just DUZ NAWT SWEENG THAT WAI.

    In english – They’re engaged and are obviously experimenting with who takes the blame for being conspicuous about it.
    As of right now, it is Jensen Padalecki’s turn to take one for the team.
    EOS.

  4. Chelle Says:

    *sings*

    Secret Lovers yeah…
    That’s what we are…

  5. MARY Says:

    I can’t believe no one has mentioned the best part of this video! The part where Jared refers to Jensen by calling him “…his pretty ass…”. Really! If that’s not a freudian slip, what is? :-)

  6. M-Tizzle Says:

    “He’s in his closet about 40 minutes…”

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Srsly.

    Also, i think this interview clearly shows that Jensen has a thing for Jared’s sweaty neck. I bet he licks all up that. And kisses. And bites.

    Yeah. *g*


  7. OH SWEET LORD, THAT INTERVIEW IS THE SEX….. AND THOSE BOYS WHEN WILL THEY REALISE ITS NO LONGER A JOKE, THEY REALLY DO LIVE AND FUCK TOGETHER.

    AND AS FOR JENSEN ROLLING HIS PRETTY LITTLE ASS OUTTA BED, SHAME ON YOU JARED LETTING HIM OUTTA BED AT ALL, IF I WERE YOU ID BE RIDING THAT ADD TILL CHRISTMAS!!

  8. ~Nightshade~ Says:

    They’re killing me hyah. Srsly.

  9. Liz Says:

    ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH

    Best. Interview. Evah.

    Jared, do you not realise it’s things like this that just make me love you even more :)

    Just open that pretty mouth and keep talking baby. Oooooft.

    Talking of pretty, Jen-Pad is looking more and more luvverly these days to me. *slurrp*

    And boys, we KNOW you’re not gay. We KNOW you just fuck each other like animals. All the time. Night and day. Like animals, you hear….

  10. Haunted Says:

    Great interview. I am LMBFAO.

    Speaking of brother-fucking, I think that’s the best way to describe what’s going on here. Two guys who are like brothers, fucking the shit out of each other on a daily basis. Totally normal. Totally not gay.


  11. HELL NO, THEM , GAY, NO, NEVER, EVER, EVER!!!!!!

    NEVER!!!!

  12. ~Stånk~ Says:

    TTLY straight!! *rolls eyes* I believe it goes a little something like THIS in their household… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2LpeA3jcEU

  13. A-Jizzle Says:

    “He’s in his closet about 40 minutes…”

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Srsly.

    Oh thank goddess you managed to steal internet long enough to read that. You know I threw that one in thair just for you, bb. LOLOL, closet. Oh, Jensen.

    And Stank, how right you are, love. That song is so fucking fitting, it’s beyond ridic. And while we’re defining the boys’ epic love via most excellent musical displays, I believe this would about sum it up. Epic love is EPIC, Y’all. GET SOME.


  14. OH MY GOD AJ THAT FIRST SONG WAS FUCKING BRILLIANT. LMBFAO

  15. Nicole Says:

    I wanna watch Jared and Jensen Get some!!! Did you guy’s hear how horse Jensen was in the ep. on thurs. ?? At first I thought he sounded kinda weird… but then I realized that he was horse for a reason … y/y ??? (must’ve been pretty busy on thier time off)


  16. OH GOD I HEARD HIM ALRIGHT…….. MM VERY HORSE INDEED

  17. MARY Says:

    I didn’t hear Jared say 40 mins in the closet, I heard 40 mins in front of the mirror before pick up time…
    Also, my first thought when hearing Jared say Jensen has a crush on him was “Projecting much, Jared?”

  18. LaneyLou Says:

    Okay so now that it’s official, ya know the boys starting that strange journey… Marriage… I would like to once again offer myself up to birth their love child. I know, I know how selfless and giving of me…. It’s a beautiful thing.
    So JenSIN, baby, let’s get ready to go on our little “fishing trip”, cause momma’s got some eggs that need fertilizin’!

  19. M-Tizzle Says:

    AJ and I have already sent our babymomma offering to the Js. We thought it was an apt housewarming gift, y/y/mfy? Plus, who doesn’t want blonde functionally illiterate midget babies?? *shrug*

  20. A-Jizzle Says:

    Clearly she meant ginger…clearly.

  21. Patty Says:

    Ginger!!! hahahahahahahahaa

  22. Юрий Says:

    Спорить на эту тему можно бесконечно, поэтому просто хочу поблагодарить автора. Спасибо!


  23. Можно и подискутировать по этому поводу … :)

  24. мepтвeц Says:

    Вот это да… По моему мнению, об этом пишут уже на каждом углу :)


  25. Зашел случайно на сайт про Советский Союз. Аж слеза накатилась. Ностальгия, что тут скажешь.

  26. dogdudleyru Says:

    Читаешь иногда такое и понимаешь, что лучший собеседник – собака!


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