Show and Tell: Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy

Soooo. When’s the last time Jensen did an actual sit-down interview, y’all? Kimmel, Y/MFY? Well! Looks like it’s about that time, again. Jensen’s decided to come out of hiding and do a little movie/SHOW pimpage. And seeing as how he had so much fun with Jimmy the first time, he’s decided to go back for round 2!

Based on how things went down last time, we’ve decided to give you a brief run-down of how this shit will most likely go down tonight…

And welcome back to the show! Our next guest is currently starring on the hit CW series Supernatural and he’s got a new horror movie coming out that he’s here to tell us about.  Please welcome back to the program Jensen Ackles.

*walking, waving…waving, walking…thinking, “What the hell am I doing here?”…waving*

*Oh God, not you again*

*this is gonna be bad*

Jimmy: Jensen. Welcome back to the show. Nice of you to stop on by. Now, the last time you were here, I mentioned that you’ve got quite the rabid, horny fanbase.

Jensen: Yes, I recall you saying something to that effect, Jimmy.

Jimmy: Well, I see that’s ALL changed. Cuz now, they’re no longer rabid and horny… Now they’re just bash*t f***ing crazy.

Jensen: That is correct.

Jimmy: Right.

Jensen: Oh look! There’s that crazy bitch that keeps telling people that we’re married.  I could have sworn she’s not allowed to be within 1,000 feet of me. Hm. You have a tape measure, Jimmy?

Jimmy: No,  no I don’t.  But I’ve gotta tell ya. I was perusing more of those websites about you last week, and I came across something very interesting. There’s this video on youtube that resembles a little video that aired on THIS show last year. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. It’s called “We’re F*cking J-Squared”… Have you heard of this?

*uncomfortable laughter*

Jensen: Hahaha. Yeah, I think I may have stumbled across it at some point.

Jimmy: And what are your thoughts on this video?

Jensen: It’s all true, Jimmy. It’s all true.

Jimmy: Y’know, I’m not sure those girls that run that site like you very much. They’re always cursing you out and saying you have a stupid face and things of that nature.

Jensen: Yeah. Yeah, they are.  But they do it cuz they love me. Or so they say. I think they’re just trying not to get sued by my mother.

Jimmy: Oh, so your mom’s still policing the internet, then?

Jensen: She likes to think of it as a second job, at this point. Yeah.

Jimmy: That’s fantastic. Good for her. So, do you have a girlfriend? Boyfriend? Tall sexy co-star that you enjoy making out with?

Jensen: Seriously. Still subtle as ever, I see. Ahahahaha. Uh, yes. All of the above.

Jimmy: Yeah. I figured as much.  So tell me about all these people you make out with. Cuz, y’know. I’ve seen your show, and um…all you do is make out.

Jensen: Y’know…I’m not sure I make out ENOUGH on that show.

Jimmy: Judging from all the screams just now, and the look on your fake wife’s face, I’d say you’re half right.

Jensen: Ahahahaha. Seriously, someone take her away.

Jimmy: So tell me about what’s going on with your show right now. I understand it’s turning into a Dan Brown novel…

Jensen: Yeah yeah, something like that.  We’ve got angels and demons, with the brothers potentially being led to fighting on opposing sides…or something. I don’t really know what the hell’s going on. In the last episode before the break, I got my freak on with an angel in the backseat of my car, and helped her find her grace.

Jimmy: Yeah right, I bet you filled her with grace. So now what? Are we gonna be seeing angel babies in the future?

Jensen: God, I hope not.

Jimmy: So tell me more about this co-star you make out with…he plays your brother right? That’s gotta be weird.

Jensen: Well, we don’t make out in public, Jimmy.

Jimmy: Oh, yeah. Cuz that makes it totally less weird.

Jensen: Dude. The fans TOTALLY approve of our shenanigans.

Rosie: I have a question for you.

Rosie: Do you…curl your co-star’s eyelashes?? Cuz I saw him at the Scream Awards, and I could have sworn his eyelashes were doing that thing that yours do.

*OH, SH-*

Jensen: Uh…no? I don’t curl his eyelashes.  He does that himself. Not everyone can be as naturally beautiful as I am, Rosie.  But I can’t fault him for trying.

Jimmy: Alright, alright…settle down, you two. Now Jensen, you have a movie coming out, where you play this guy looking for his missing sister, and you make your way up to camp Crystal Lake, where you take on Jason Voorhies, right? And it’s all in 3-D?

Jensen: *snort* Not exactly.

Jimmy: So do you get to fight Jason in the movie? Cuz I’d think that’d be kinda tough to sell, seeing as how Jason is like 6′-12. And are you really 6′-4? You seem shorter in person.

*unamused*

Jimmy: And how was it filming in Texas in the summer heat? I hear you’re from San Antonio, so you must’ve been used to it right. You probably spent a fair amount of time running around set without your shirt on. I bet the ladies loved that…?

Jensen: …

Jensen: Rosie, you got anymore questions for me?

Jimmy: Alright, enough about the movie. You know what time it is. We’re putting you back in the hotseat. You know the drill… True or False.  You’ve slept with everyone in showbiz, except Christian Kane?

Jensen: False…I actually, uh…lost my virginity to Chris Kane.

Jimmy: Well, the card didn’t say that, but thanks for sharing.

Jensen: Huh.

Jimmy: True or False. You enjoy being starfished?

Jensen: True. I’ve only ever been starfished once. But I enjoyed it so much, that I’m actually flying back over to England this May for round 2.  This time, I’m hoping for more of an open mouthed kiss to seal the deal.

Jimmy: True or False. You don’t kiss Jared Padalecki…in public?

Jensen: Uh…true.

Jimmy: Care to elaborate?

Jensen: Yeah, no.

Jimmy: Ok, it says here you once clotheslined a fangirl for “putting her hand in your spot” on Jared, your co-star’s, chest?

Jensen: False? No, but really…as much as I’d LOVE to clothesline a fangirl or two, they never do it in front of me. They only ever put their hand in my spot if I’m not around to punch them for it.  I’m just waiting for my golden opportunity.

Jimmy: To clothesline a fangirl?

Jensen:…yeah. And I can generally count on them to not disappoint.

Jimmy: Well, folks. You heard it here, first. Jensen’s counting on you. If I were you, I’d go see this man’s movie. Seriously, you may wanna get on that. I hear he’s killed for less.

Jimmy: Thank you Jensen, for coming by to talk to us. Go see his movie. It’s called Friday the 13th, 3-D in theaters everywhere on Friday, February the 13th.  Make sure ya check it out. Our apologies to Matt Damon, we’ve run out of time. Meet us back here tomorrow, when we’ll be talking to Michael Imperioli with musical guest Zac Brown Band. Goodnight!

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There. Now you don’t have to watch it.

DISCLAIMER: PLZ TO BE WATCHING JEMSEM ON JIMMY KIMMEL TONIGHT. AND BECAUSE HE’S SUCH A GIVER, YOU CAN ALSO CATCH HIM ON THE BONNIE HUNT SHOW ON FRIDAY. BUT I GOTTA SAY, THE ONE I’M MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO IS HIS APPEARANCE ON CHELSEA HANDLER’S SHOW, WHERE SHE’LL UNDOUBTEDLY DO WHAT SHE DOES BEST…HIT ON HIM SHAMELESSLY, THEN PROCEED TO GAY IT UP. IT SHALL BE PROPER AMUSING. OH YES.