Cinematography 101: Everyone’s A Critic

Warning: spoilery ahead for MBV:3-D

After viewing Jemsem’s new movie over the weekend, we’ve decided that this most intriguing piece of cinematography deserves a PROPER review…not one of those “OMG! Jensen’s such a serious actor, YAY!!!” type of reviews. Pshh. And so, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to give you the real thing. A review that really grabs you by the seat of your pants.

So please… stand back kids. We ‘R profeshunals! Srsly, don’t try this shit at home…

A Srs Bzns Review, by AJ & MT:

Lock eyes from across the mine
You want in her pants, well get in line
She’s Tom’s girl, he had her first
So avert your eyes or expect the worst
You take her hand and you go inside
He owns this place so he’ll be your guide
You round the corner and you hear a scream
Axel is hiding with Irene
Shine your flashlight and he’s standing there
Miner’s face mask is what he wears
Overly excited, don’t know what to do
Then he screams out, “Jason, is that you?”
And I

Jizz in my pants

Everyone’s dead and it’s all your fault
They all blame Tom for this massive assault
He’ll return in 10 years to continue this dance
Now I

Jizz in my pants

You’re a lameass for not killing me
Took off down the tunnel and you let me be
Have to kill them all to make them see

Everyone in this town is a douche

He needs a few things from the grocery
Boxes of candy, mostly
She’s got a kid now, and her life’s a chore
She’s got a husband, and he’s got a whore
The check-out counter and he saw her face
His heart stood still and I lost my grace
He passes by the blonde girl’s hotel room
The sex is loud and he decides to loom
He looks through the window and it’s everywhere
Gratuitous boobs and her ass in the air
And I

Jizzed in my pants

Don’t give me that look, it’s all your fault, Todd
You’re the one parading around nude with that bod
I look around the theater with an awkward glance cuz I

Jizzed in my pants

Chased you through the parking lot with no clothes
She just fucked you and now everyone knows
Pickaxe to the head, doors with no locks
Now Irene’s heart is in a heart shaped box

Last night – I saw a film
As I recall it was a 3-D film
He walked toward me in a baseball cap
Sat beside me and I jumped in his lap and I

Jizzed in my pants

Jensen Ackles in a black tank top
Those arms in 3-D? He really needs to stop
But why no gratuitous shots of his cock? I

Jizz in my pants

I steal the fake ray bans after the show and I

Jizz in my pants

That movie was dope

Jizz in my pants

Your make up is dope. Did you do it?

Jizzed in my pants

Do I ever do my own make up?

Jizzed… in… my pants

Jizzed… in… my pants

Ok seriously you guys can we… ok…

I think your movie’s dope, and you know it’s not a crime
And so tomorrow night, I’ll see your movie one more time.
Psycho Jensen’s sex on legs, always starting pointless fights
Knocking girls up with his eyes, clompy stomping, smashing lights

I

Jizz… in… my pants

(I jizz in my pants, I jizz in my pants
yes I jizz in my pants, yes I jizz in my pants)
Yes I jizz… in… my pants
(I jizz in my pants, I jizz in my pants)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Jensen Ackles-

Take your ridiculous face and get the fuck out. Srsly, I’m gonna have to ask you to vacate my crotch immediately. Making me orgasm repeatedly in a crowded theater? You’re not funny, asshole.

And THAT…concludes our verreh srs review.  A lot of work went into getting this review done. So, we’d just like to take a moment to thank a few people.  First off, we’d like to thank Jason Manns for inspiring us to be such  srs makers of music and also for letting us be his back-up singers when he goes on his next world tour. Next, we’d like to thank Jared Padalecki for making Jensen’s legs so awesomely bowlegged. Jared, without all your ~HARD~ work, Jensen wouldn’t have looked so sexass walkin’ down that tunnel smashin shit with a pickaxe.  And also we’d like to thank Jesus for blessing us with ridiculous talent and allowing us to be the amazing movie reviewers that we are. I LOVE YOU, MOM!!! Christian Kane… go to bed! *waving at yoo*

DISCLAIMER: DEAR JARED PADALECKI- TOP…THAT! NO, SRSLY. TAKE JENSEN FUCKING ACKLES UPSTAIRS RIGHT THIS INSTANT AND TOP THAT BITCH. WHATEVER KINKY SHIT YOU’RE ABOUT TO DO TO HIM, HE’S CLEARLY GOT IT COMING. THAT’S WHAT HE GETS FOR RUINING YET ANOTHER PAIR OF PANTIES. JERK.