Con Etiquette 101: Asking the Proper Questions.
July 11, 2009
Sasquatches! Welcome to our newest summer course: Con Etiquette 101, where we will be learning what IS and what is NOT acceptable Fan!Convention behaviour. Seeing as how Jensen and Jared insist on going to these stupid things, we’re gonna school y’all guys on how not to chagrin the fuck outta those boys when they show up in public together to tell you random lollarious untrue shit about themselves.
Today’s lesson will focus on asking the proper questions. It’s a well known fact that this fandom has a tendency to ask the boys some rather inappropriate questions at Cons. And well…it’s frowned upon, to say the least. In our opinion, the problem isn’t so much that the questions being asked are inappropriate, but rather…pointless. They’re generally questions to which nobody gives a fuck about the answer.
So! Today, we are going to supply you with a list of ACCEPTABLE inappropriate questions to ask Jensen and Jared at Vancouver Con next month. Feel free to pick and choose as you like…
Before we get started, let it be known that all of the following questions are ONLY to be asked during the J2 panel. Fair is fair…
~~~~~
69 Acceptable Inappropriate Questions for Jensen and Jared:
1. This question’s for Jared. So Jared, when you were 18, if someone had said to you that in 8 years time, you’d be on the internet half naked, oiled up, wearing a cowboy hat, and kissing a cock, what would you have said?
2. This question is for Jared. So Jared, did Jensen move out yet?
3. This question is for Jared. So Jared, I live near you and I always see you walking your dogs down your street, but I never see you walking Icky. Why is that?
4. This question is for Jared. How’s that ‘boyspace’ thing workin’ out..? Also, please define ‘boyspace.’ Is that like a gay MySpace?
5. This question is for Jared. Yo Jared, how do you get from Heathrow to Birmingham in 10 minutes?
6. This question is for Jared. YO Jared, we heard you spent 20 minutes in the bathroom with Jensen at Asylum. Were you constipated?? What the hell were you doing in there??
7. This question is for Jared. Was that sweater that Jensen was wearing at the Paley golf tournament yours?? It was, wasn’t it?
8. This question is for Jared. Do you have MySpace?? Tell the truth.
9. This question is for Jared. Are you a Polish newcomer?
10. This question is for Jared. When you crash Jensen’s dates, who do you think he considers the third wheel, you or Danneel?
11. This question is for Jared. Why don’t Jason Manns & Christian Kane ever appear in public at the same time? Ever??
12. This question is for Jared. Why weren’t you at the Kane concert for Chris’ birthday?? Is it because you’re still mad that Aldis’ character killed Sam at the end of S2 and you’re holding a grudge??
13. This question is for Jensen.
No wait, actually it’s for Jared. What bra size are you?
14. This question is for Jared. Why do you sweat so much??
15. This question is for Jared. Is there anything in your life that you’re Desperately Wanting at the moment?
16. This question is for Jared. You always steal wardrobe from SPN. Why didn’t you steal THOSE jeans from F13??
17. This question is for Jared. So, when you saw MBV for the first time, who went with you?
18. This question is for Jared. Do you have a girlfriend??
19. This question is for Jared. So, Jared…I was thinking, I’d like to take someone out for a lobster dinner. Can you recommend any restaurants? Price is irrelevant…she’s paying.
20. This question is for Jared. I really want to go to a concert later. Can I borrow $10??
21. This question is for Jared. Did you have to pay $10 for Crazy Love like the rest of us, or did you get a discount because you’re “dating someone in the band”??
22. This question is for Jared. Jensen cover your ears. Jared, why do you kiss Danneel on the mouth?? Don’t you know where her mouth has been??
23. This question is for Jared. How do you feel about Adam Fucking Lambert stealing your thunder on ElJay??
24. This question is for Jared. According to the gaydar gun, you’re 50% gay. Do you find hairy drag queens to be a turn on?
25. This question is for Jared. How did you feel about starring in gay porn with Chad Michael Murray?? I know your role was pretty inactive, but still… Do you wish you’d had a bigger part??
26. This question is for Jared. What did you think about Jensen’s penis enlargement ad?? Fess up, that was you, wasn’t it??
27. This question is for Jared. Why does Jensen wear those fuglyass shox?… And why are you copying him??
28. This question is for Jared. A reliable source told us that Jensen was getting engaged at the end of the year. CONGRATULATIONS. No, really…is Jensen getting married?? When did they legalize gay marriage?
29. This question is for Jared. How do you like Jensen’s new house. When are you moving in and who’s living upstairs and who’s living down??
30. This question is for Jared. Yo Jared, are you going to Argentina Con, and what time does your flight arrive? I’ll meet you at the gate.
31. This question is for Jared. Is it just me or do Jensen’s freckles remind you of melted drops of caramel?
32. This question is for Jared. Do you let Jensen wax your eyebrows in exchange for you curling his eyelashes?
33. This question is for Genevieve. Genevieve are you here?? Is Genevieve in the building?? Yo Gen, if you can hear me, are you just here for moral support or will you be signing autographs in the lobby later for £20? Pee.Ess. What charity did you give that money to in Asylum? I like to know when I’m supporting a good cause.
34. This question is for Jared. Misha Collins has already bent you over in Oz and simulated oral sex in England. How’re you gonna top that in Canada?
35. This question is for Jared. Who’s hotter? You or Jon Hamm?
36. This question is for Jared. How did you enjoy starring in High School Musicals 1, 2, and 3? And do you still have those naked pictures of Vanessa Hudgens on your cellphone?
37. This question is for Jared. Tell us more about Jensen’s pretty little ass.
38. This question is for Jared. So, Jared…do YOU know what happened to Kismet? Did he get “punted” by Danneel The Man on the bridge with the burrito?
39. This question is for Jared. What is the proper protocol for when you’re on an airplane with your girlfriend and someone drops a briefcase on her arm?
40. This question is for Jared. Are you a method actor?
41. This question is for Jared. With all the moving house you and Jensen do, I have a shipment of crystal I need delivering. Can you recommend anyone??
42. This question is for Jared. Did you and Amanda Righetti ever date while you were filming F13, since Michael C. Hall apparently made it cool to date your co-star siblings?
43. This question is for Jared. Do you wear sunglasses whenever you watch 101 Dalmations?
44. This question is for Misha Barton. Misha…how’s your Big Bang fic coming?
45. This question is for Jared. Did you ever see the original F13?
46. This question is for Jared. Whose mouth is more obscene? Angelina Jolie’s, Genevieve Cortayzay’s, or Jensen Ackles’?
47. This question is for Jared. Does anyone ever call Jensen “Jen” or “Jenny”? D’ya think he’d mind if I call him that?
48. This question is for Jared. Are you scared of koala bears? I mean, they are bears.
49. This question is for Jared. If you would, please describe your significant other in exactly 5 words (not your ideal mate…your actual significant other)…*sits back and waits for him to describe Jensen*
50. This question is for Jared. Don’t lie, you adopted that puppy on wheels, didn’t you?
51. This question is for Jared. Does your milkshake bring all the boys to the yard? And is it really better than mine?
52. This question is for Jared. As the second newest member of The Brotherhood, tell us, does Jensen ever get pissed when you stretch the fuck out of all of his t-shirts? And how do you feel about Aldis being the newest member of The Brotherhood?
53. This question is for Jared. Have you gotten a chance to wear the infamous magical tan one size fits all sweater yet? And have you and Jason Manns ever shared hats before?
54. This question is for Jared. Do you ever get the urge to just run your fingers through Christian Kane’s hair? Just to see what you’ll find.
55. This question is for Jared. Has Jason Manns ever tried to sell you a guitar pick on MySpace?
56. This question is for Jared. That one time that you and Jensen fought, did he threaten to sue you for emotional distress, and that’s why you two ended up hugging it out in your trailer? You were just avoiding a C&D, weren’t you?
57. This question is for Jared. So, Jared. Just how drunk and/or high were you at the Scream Awards when you full-body-man-hugged JDM and proclaimed to the entire free world that he was your boyfriend? And did he spank you later for embarrassing him? He did, didn’t he?
58. This question is for Jared. Do you foresee a stint at rehab in your future for your Red Bull addiction? Cocaine is a pretty serious drug, Jared.
59. This question is for Jared. How often do you and Jensen hang out with Michael Rosenbaum? And just what type of shenanigans do the three of you get up to? I’d suspect that every night out with Rosey is a near-jail experience.
60. This question is for Jared. Does Jensen ever complain about your lack of personal space awareness?
61. This question is for Jared. I’ve heard that your hair is full of secrets. Tell us one.
62. This question is for Jared. Can I pull your finger?
63. This question is for Jared. Yo Jared. What’s tattooed on Danneel’s ass? If you tell us what it is, we promise not to ask how you know.
64. This question is for Jared. Was there ever any question to which of you was going to play the PE teacher or the janitor in Afterschool Special? I’m assuming Jensen was the one teaching dodgeball cuz he doesn’t mind having large balls flying towards his face?
65. This question is for Jared. Will you blowdry my hair?
66. This question is for Jared. So Jared…about hiding an elephant in Jensen’s pants because of all that space. Just how big of a space are we talking, here? Are you implying that Jensen is a grower, not a shower? Please substantiate your answer with photographic evidence.
67. This question is for Jared. Do you and Jensen ever go hoodsurfing in downtown Vancouver? And what do the locals think of this fuckery?
68. This question is for Jared. What pornos have you rented lately? I’m thinking of updating my collection, and I need suggestions.
69. This question is for Jared. What was that white powdery shit on your face, right by your eye at the F13 movie premiere? LOL, coke…you’re doing it wrong.
~~~~~
And that concludes our J2 Panel Q&A session. Our apologies to Jensen Ackles. We ran out of time. [/Kimmel]
DISCLAIMER: IF ANYONE HERE THINKS IT A GOOD IDEA TO ACTUALLY ASK ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS AT VANCOUVER CON, WE MAY BE COMPELLED TO KILL YOU. PSHH. WE AIN’T TRYING TO GET A POSTCARD C&D SCRIBBLED IN CRAYON FROM JENSEN, IN THE MAIL. ALTHOUGH, NGL. THERE’S NOTHING QUITE AS FULFULLING AS GETTING CUSSED OUT BY JENSEN ACKLES. AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *CLAP*
AMUSING…NO, REALLY. THANKS.
July 11, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Dude all these Question’s were/are better then the one I asked him in L.A. Nothing better in life then getting embarrassed in front of everyone by Jensen Ross Ackles……but of course I blame Jared, it’s his fault. LOL
My fave ? is number one…and I’m waiting as well for number 49 to be answered. (It’s ok I can wait)
July 11, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Well, if you do think of a good question for the boys, let me know and I’ll ask them in Vancouver. You know I will, but only if you dare me!
#31 made me jizz in my pants, *faints*
July 11, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Lawl bish please, like you need any encouragement.
And I have a ~srs queshun~. Ask him what his favourite Michael Jackson song is and can he do the moonwalk.
Yes, that.
July 11, 2009 at 5:06 pm
I still want you to ask #59. And #48…you can ask him that one, too. *nods*
July 11, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Esp. #59. I wanna know if Rosey is the infamous “third wheel.” ahahaha *snerk*
July 12, 2009 at 9:40 am
Flat Patty should be done and ready fro shipment next weekend. Make HER ask the inappropriate questions. She will not blush as she is not really real.
And Dani’s tat is a spider monkey. Or Manila Gorilla. I can’t tell for sure.
July 11, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Some one already asked Jensen #47. He said no one EVER calls him Jen or Jenny and that he doesn’t really have a nick name but that he will answer to Jay.
July 11, 2009 at 6:58 pm
A lot of these questions have already been asked (including #47). Numerous times. The reason we’re repeating a lot of them is because of all the various contradictory replies they incite.
He said no one EVER calls him Jen or Jenny
Course he did. Cuz he doesn’t want US calling him Jen or Jenny. Hence the second half of the question.
July 11, 2009 at 7:49 pm
I personally hate Jen and Jenny. And I do agree that Jensen is bad bish, but it doesn’t seem plausible to me.
~Cuz he doesn’t want US calling him Jen or Jenny~
Everyone does already. Everytime I read a fanfic, Some one is calling him Jen , Jenny, Jennybean. Maybe It’s because I have a unusual name (for the US) and it always gets shortened into the most ridiculous nick names. I don’t allow it, at least not to my face, and I don’t answer to it either. Who’s to say Jensen doesn’t feel the same way.
July 11, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Everyone does already. Everytime I read a fanfic, Some one is calling him Jen , Jenny, Jennybean.
The nicknames are very common in fic. Hardly at all, IRL. At least not among fans. Most of fandom calls him Jensen, cuz that’s what he claims to go by. I rarely ever see anyone call him Jen outside of fic. But, to the best of my knowledge, he does have friends *coughJason Manns et alcough* who DO call him Jen/Jenny. But just to re-emphasize…those are his friends that call him that. So it’d make perfect sense to me that he’d tell anyone and everyone in fandom that he doesn’t go by either/or. Cuz that’s not a nickname that WE get to use. I assume it’s reserved for people who know him personally, otherwise he just won’t answer to it.
I don’t allow it, at least not to my face, and I don’t answer to it either. Who’s to say Jensen doesn’t feel the same way.
Yes, this.
July 11, 2009 at 7:45 pm
the worse thing is that some of them are gonna be asked. just wait & see…. poor fuckers….
as for me…. mmmmmmmmmmm JARED/JON HAMM……………….. *dreamy eyes*
July 11, 2009 at 9:10 pm
the worse thing is that some of them are gonna be asked. just wait & see…
They better fuckin’ not. And if they do…I really hope that’s the day that Jensen Ackles chooses to drop-kick a fan!girl. For goddamn serious.
July 11, 2009 at 9:35 pm
and i’ll be the one filming that!! Vancouver con is gonna be my first and only con since am living there right now, and believe me… i can’t stand them nosy fans on youtube, so for real?!!
am the kind of person that tend to be allergic to human stupidity and brain-thickness, i am not patient and/or tolerant to starfishing, hysterical squeeing and giggling and people being that thick in the head to think and pretend they can ask these questions to actors they are not even friends with… they are all lusting after them and they wish they were noticed by them so it could be their only reason to live their dull married/spinster life i guess… hence the studying and analysing of all the gossip about them and their sex life!! and then the personal questions…..
i still don’t know why am going, with all that… my point is that i MIGHT act like the next Cliff (i have 5 tattoos, am tall, but am a tall slim brunette
YARK oh yeah, totally Xena vibe!) and clothelined any bitches crossing a line, like…. grabbing a collar and tugging them hard back to a corner LOL
i hope it’s gonna be a SUPERNATURAL convention and not a “dear fucking diary, or What’s new in your life J2, tell me! *puts chin in her hand*”
July 11, 2009 at 9:35 pm
*looks left and right*
*HIGH FIVES YOU*
*runs away from Jemsem’s wrath*
July 11, 2009 at 9:39 pm
i can wrestle with jensen anytime, i don’t fear him! he is my dearest maple-syruped pancake!! all ginger and honey
*still thinking but…..JON HAMM!*
*points to jared>>>>>>>>>>>> it’s his fault! am tired of his ridiculousness… me wants some raw masculinity*
July 11, 2009 at 9:12 pm
holy jeebus i only got thru half of them before wanting to gouge mah frickin’ eyes out. at vancon? i think I’m hanging out in the bar during the whole thing except maybe jim’s panel.
but yes… how ’bout the awesome way JA cusses? it’s … arousing.
July 11, 2009 at 9:16 pm
lololol, evidence
http://s243.photobucket.com/albums/ff119/120cassie/s640×480a.jpg
July 11, 2009 at 9:23 pm
~FIERCE~
July 11, 2009 at 9:28 pm
FFFFUUUUUUUUU!!!!!
*CRIES*
July 11, 2009 at 9:41 pm
HEHE! i don’t know where it came from but i love it! am gonna ask the question to julie McNiven though, who plays a secretary in MAD MEN *wins*
July 11, 2009 at 10:56 pm
LOL, DECISIONS DECISIONS.
CRYMOAR.
July 11, 2009 at 11:04 pm
YOU BISH. STOP HURTING MY VAJAYJAY THIS WAY.
July 12, 2009 at 3:14 am
“13. This question is for Jensen. No wait, actually it’s for Jared.”
LOL. That’s it. I have nothing else to say.
July 12, 2009 at 3:24 am
This question is for either. Boys, I’ve been a fan since before either of you were born. I’ve formed an elite squad of con security comprised of old-show Trekkies — big mean 50something broads with big sticks, who hate it when idiot fans make the rest of us look bad.
Is there anyone in this room you’d like us to beat senseless?
…I see. Now the question remains: Will we have enough time to get to everyone on this list before the con is over?
July 12, 2009 at 9:39 am
Yes, THIS.
LOL!
July 12, 2009 at 11:35 am
am in!!
July 17, 2009 at 2:28 pm
I adore you…
That is all.
July 12, 2009 at 9:01 am
Oh my god. Somebody NEEDS to ask some of these questions, just to see the looks on the boys faces.
July 12, 2009 at 11:27 am
I think it would be great if Jensen and Jared mailed out their answers to ALL 69 questions to fans, let’s say…for 10$ an answer. We can sit and play, finding inconsistences in their answers for a while. It would keep us occupied instead of reading countless kinky porn and fapping over their Straighty McStraight ways.
July 12, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Great suggestion!
I’m writing down a cheque right now.
July 12, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Epic.
So wait, when IS Canaduh Con? I’ve lost track after the utterfuckery that went on last time.
Christ I raheeelly hope noone thinks it IS ok to ask those. LMFAO.
July 13, 2009 at 3:08 am
Christ I raheeelly hope noone thinks it IS ok to ask those. LMFAO.
/whines/ But what shall they TALK about to keep us entertained? About the pet giraffe Chris and Steve gave Jensen and Elta as an engagement present?
July 17, 2009 at 2:29 pm
I thought #44 was going to kill me. Actually – nearly all of them did, lol! It’s hard to read and hold a baby when you are clinging to the edge of your keyboard for dear life, lol!!
July 18, 2009 at 7:39 pm
1 and 27 crack me up! How do you guys think this stuff up?
Do fans actually ask some of these question? >.<;;; Even if they are absolutely hilarious, you can’t really ask them those types of questions. It’s like an unwritten rule, kinda like the whole ’you can’t make people pay to read fanfics’ thing.
Gods, it’s a wonder they even go to cons anymore. I wonder what goes on in the minds of those who think it’s okay to ask them really stupid and personal questions, like they have the right. (Even if it would be funny to see their reactions)XD
August 23, 2009 at 9:18 am
LMAO~ im going to ask them all of those questions once i got a chance~ *writing them down* >o<
August 23, 2009 at 3:18 pm
…… you know im kidding right? (i still wanna try Q no.1 though… very attempted… very…)
November 4, 2009 at 3:40 pm
I’m asking number 61.
xD
November 20, 2009 at 10:21 am
This question is for Jared: Do you have any special exercise regime for your nostrils? They do appear to be extremely well developed. Do you have to pluck hairs out of them? Can I have one?