Con Etiquette 101: Requesting the Proper Pose

Previously, in Con Etiquette 101, we learned you hookers on how to ask the proper questions at future cons.  Well, with Vancouver Con coming up this weekend, and hetero-antics-galore lingering in the Canadian air, we’ve decided that now would be a good time to offer a crash course on one other little aspect of fan conventions that often produce epic fail: Photo Ops.

Now. Back in the pre-cardboard cut out era, fandom was known to ask for some pretty *ahem* amusing poses from the boys during their single and joint photo ops. Charlie’s Angels, blue steel, Yo Jared…PICK ME UP, Here…hold my baby, Padahugs, Cowboy hats, and lulzy signs, etc.  It’s all been done…it’s all been done…it’s all been dooooooone befoooooore.

So. (Assuming the boys will be in attendance this weekend, in lieu of their cardboard cut outs) The following is a list of  acceptable inappropriate requests to make of Jensen and Jared during your photo ops, whether single or joint (although, ngl…it’d be better to go for joint ops).  Feel free to pick and choose as you like.  I know damn well some of you bitches bought 12. You’re gonna need options…

30 Acceptable Inappropriate Requests for your J2 Photo Ops:

1. Hey Jensen.  For my photo op, could you pretend to look like you wanna be here? Thanks.

2. Hey Jensen.  Could you wait till the fangirl has left the frame before you pull out the Lysol and Purell? Thanks.

3. Hey Jared.  For my photo op, can I sit on your shoulder?

4. Hey Jensen.  Could you put your arm around me? Thanks.

5. Hey Jared. Could you please bend over. Ok, now slide a little to the left. More. More. Keep sliding until you’re in front of Jensen. Perfect!

6. Hey Jared. Can I wear your hat for the photo?

7. Hey Jensen. Could you close your legs?  I want my photo to be “classy”…Thanks.

8.  Hey Jensen. Could I get a picture with Danneel, instead? Thanks.

9. Hey Jared. Could you NOT touch Jensen, while I’m standing in between you?

10. Hey Jared.  Could you go stand directly in front of Jensen. Yeah, I don’t really mind if the photographer can’t see him.

11. Hey Jared. Could you wear this T-shirt that says “Life-Ruiner” for my photo? It’s an inside joke between me and everyone but you.

12.  Hey Jensen. Could you turn around and face the backdrop? Thanks.

13. Hey Jared. Could you take off your shirt and flex?

14. Hey Jared. Could you wear this straw cowboy hat and kiss this rubber chicken, while stroking it lovingly?

15. Hey Jared. Could you hold my hand, while I wear this skimpy black dress with cutouts and we get photographed at a weird angle so no one can see my face? I have a group of friends, who wish to remain anonymous, that would LOVE to see this.

16. Hey Jensen. Could Icarus sit on your lap?  This photo op needs moar gay.  Thanks.

17. Hey Jensen. Can I starfish you?

18. Hey Jensen. Could you squint out of one eye? I miss the wonk.

19. Hey Jensen. Could you stand on this apple box? I thought you were taller in person.

20. Hey Jensen. Actually this photo-op was for Jared. Sorry.

21. Hey Jared. Can Genevieve pose with us?? The internet needs more awkward pictures of you two being asked to pose together.

22. Hey Jensen. Can you hold this penis enlarger? I’m not sure we’re really selling the product with just the print ad.

23. Hey Zac. Can you spin this b-ball on your finger like you did in HSM?? Troy was my FAVOURITE.

24. Hey Jared. Can you hold this sign for me? It says “Thanks for dinner. The lobster was GREAT.”

25. Hey Jared. You’re looking a little unsupported there. Can you put this bra on?

26. Hey Jensen. On the 12th one, can you try not to look so constipated? Thanks.

27. Hey Jensen. I brought along some plum smugglers. Can you put them on please and throw your balls at my face?

28. Hey Jared. Will you wax my eyebrows? I have 27 photo-ops so you can do it in sections. Then i’ll make a flip book.

29.  Hey Jared, I drew these pictures of your dogs. Can you hold them up? I want us to look like a real family.

30. Hey Jared. I bought all this secondhand Jared Padalecki memorabilia from some girl on Ebay for 99¢. Could you pose with it all?

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DISCLAIMER: WELL, I DON’T THINK WE REALLY NEED TO TELL YOU BITCHES NOT TO REQUEST ANY OF THESE POSES THIS WEEKEND, CUZ AS HAS BECOME CON STANDARD…TOUCHING OF THE CARDBOARD CUTOUTS HAS BEEN STRICTLY PROHIBITED BY J2, THEIR NOT!GIRLFRIENDS, AND THEIR LAWYERS.  SO…YEAH.  IF YOU’RE REALLY FEELING TEMPTED TO MIX IT UP A BIT, YOU’D BE BETTER OFF PUTTING YOUR TARDED PHOTO OP REQUESTS IN WITH MEESHA BARTON, SEEING AS HOW HE’S SUCH A PEOPLE PLEASER.  OR WHATEVER.